pffft

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:57:35 GMT

Today has not been a good day. First of all, I have reread what I wrote a couple of days ago...Now, I used to consider myself a pretty decent writer but since I have started having kids it seems that not only have I lost most of my free time (which I used to use for writing) but it also appears that I have lost creativity, words, and structure. If I happen to reread something that I have written, it is likely that I'm going to hate .....75% or so of it.
I do realize that I was quite upset at the time I wrote that, but anyways....
New television at our house..(moved kids rooms/family rooms and wanted to add a tv, blah blah), so I called the satellite company about getting it hooked up w/ all of it's bells n whistles (which, mind you, is costing me almost $200 a month) They told me that they were happy to come out and install cable into another room....for $169.00! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
ugh.
puke.
kill the rich satellite man
grrrr.

Missing Friends

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 22:29:40 GMT

I just finished looking at an old friends pictures that she had posted on her myspace page. Pictures apparently from New Year's Eve, pictures of her and hers having the time of their lives,....pictures that made me want to die.
I was supposed to meet up with this friend during christmastime , having been in town visiting family after not seeing her in more than a year, we made plans. She seemed pretty excited, and I was excited too.. but it was my excitment that was put to a halt when I had messaged her asking for her phone number and also leaving her the number of where I was staying with no response...that is, until a few days ago ...with me back in town (of course) when she messaged me apologizing.
A few months ago when I had gotten my internet connection back, I messaged her on myspace and we exchanged phone numbers. The phone number she gave me did not work for me, and I really don't understand why exactly. She had my number and assured me that long distance/ minute time was not at all an issue...but yet, I had never received a call with really strange excuses of the reasons why not. Makes me wonder....maybe this woman has no interest or desire to talk to me. Tears are welling up in my eyes now because this girl.....this woman....was probably one of the best friends I've ever had. Had grown up living on the same street, we spent almost every day with one another and I *thought* we had a lot of fun. It was my boyfriend that rescued me from my personal hell that turned out to be my later teenage years that changed our friendship. I gave my everything to him and being horny, 17, and stupid as hell, a part of me abandoned my childhood friend....but she has always remained in my heart. As the years passed, we saw each other occasionally and those times became less frequent once I started having children...Last time I saw her, she had come over to my apartment briefly and it warmed my heart to see my children take to her right away.....they had seen in her during the 5 minutes they spent with her what I've known always....God, I miss her.
I have no friends left since my move from Michigan to Kentucky. It isn't just the above mentioned, but everyone has grown so far apart from me. Everything in my body and soul aches for a close friend who I can share my joys, my secrets, my bullshit to. Someone to call me once in awhile just because they were thinking of me, a card, a visit, a fucking trip to the mall would more than suffice. It would tickle me magenta if someone even put me in their little pathetic top 5 friends thing on myspace....how pathetic, I know...but I'm a woman who is sick of being the girl left out even at the age of 26. My birthday is 3 weeks from today, and who outside from my household will remember? or fucking care to remember? Is it so wrong? Feeling this way?

This is all me....

pffft

Missing Friends